Listening to a motivational speaker from the Phili-Jersey area in 2002 sitting in a large conference room with likely 350-400 people, my life, once again, was changed profoundly via self awareness throttled at me by brutal honesty, followed by a flood of humility drowned by self-accountability…ugh…
My mother, a male family member and his spawner of children had conspired to take my property. I received a legal document in the mail issued by the spawner advising me that it would be best if I “Quit Claim” ‘ed my property over to her and ultimately to the male family member. I was shocked and hurt that the very people I had “helped so much” just one year early or even my mother could even think of something like this debacle. For the next five years, I was in and out of lawyers’ offices and courtrooms. at the tune of $15,000. I even had to face the spawner in court while she was in jail shackles…numerous times. She had been arrested for numerous felonious events. I was even crossed examined by her WHILE SHE WAS WEARING HANDCUFFS!!! Ya gotta love our legal system….
So sitting in this conference listening to this speaker who was there to help lift our spirit and our lives, I was engulfed in self-pity and my person drama…poor, poor pitiful me. “How could (my family) do this to me?” Well, Krissy, they were snakes when you met them dumbass! But that’s another story…
So the story this gentlemen told went a little like this…
A gorilla went into a forbidden forest. A forest that was known to be dangerous and he had heard of the horror stories of those that attempted passage and got caught. Yup, he went anyway thinking it would be different this time. Soooooo…He gets caught. The gorilla is offered two choices of punishment…be killed or have a sexual assault performed on him. He chooses the sexual assault vs death.
The last line the speaker utters transformed me from a Victim (yes, capitol V) to a “willing participant”.
The speaker concluded with “The moral of the story…? In order to get screwed, first you have to get into position.” Yup, that whole thing was on me…
I knew my mother had betrayed me countless times in my life. She had done it to all of her children. My MFM (male family member) was a known violent criminal. The spawner of children had already been arrested countless times. What the f..k was I thinking?!?! I entered into a rental agreement that was never written with the spawner and the MFM so my portion of the mortgage would be covered when I moved to a nearby neighborhood. I never got receipts for the mortgage and tax payments that I made to my mother in prior years. I did not follow up with the proper execution of those rent payments to my mother via the MFM and spawner. I never documented all the work I did on my mother’s property. They won’t do anything to me, right? They wouldn’t do any of that stuff that they did to all those other people to me right? We’re family, right? Ya, right…
Being the Victim was removed from my M.O. that day. I could never again NOT take responsibility for where my feet were in any given situation. Self responsibility and my own self accountability denies me the opportunity to blame others for the messes I find myself in today. I am where I get me. Ya, people can do shitty stuff, but if I choose my position wisely, I get screwed less often…
Nobody’s Bleeding 